When in Hawaii: How to Be a Respectful Guest (and Not “That Tourist”)
There’s something magical about Hawaii. Maybe it’s the soft strum of a ukulele in the distance, the scent of plumeria in the air, or the way the ocean seems to whisper, “Relax, you’re on island time now.”
But here’s the thing: paradise works best when everyone plays nice.
As visitors, we’re not just tourists — we’re guests in someone’s home. And just like you’d teach your kids to wipe their feet before coming inside, there are a few ways we can all show respect to the land, the people, and the culture that make Hawaii so special.
Respect the ʻĀina (Land) and the Wildlife
In Hawaiian, ‘āina means “land,” but it’s more than that — it’s about gratitude, stewardship, and and respect for all living things. It’s Mother Earth, Auntie Ocean, and Grandpa Volcano all rolled into one. The following are some useful tips for respecting the land, wildlife, and local culture while enjoying your family vacation in the islands.
Don’t Take Rocks or Sand
If you’re traveling to Hawaii with little ones—especially boys—consider this your friendly PSA: the islands are basically one giant treasure chest of throwable objects. My middle son, Jake, could spot a “perfect rock” from a hundred yards away. He found them everywhere we went—at the beach, on trails, in parking lots—and, of course, wanted to see how far he could throw them or if they’d skip across the water. At one point, he even challenged his baby brother, Max, to a rock-throwing competition (which, mercifully, Max lost due to his lack of coordination and overall commitment to snack time).
We spent half the trip saying, “Jake, put the rock down,” until we realized logic wasn’t working. So we got creative and told him Hawaiian rocks and shells are magical—and that throwing them could bring bad luck. That bit of “local lore” finally did the trick. From then on, he admired them reverently, like little volcanic jewels, but kept them right where they belonged.
Moral of the story: if you’re traveling to Hawaii with boys, pack extra patience—and maybe a good rock story. You’ll need both.
Use Reef-Safe Sunscreen
If you’re planning to swim, snorkel, or just splash around in Hawaii’s incredible waters, here’s one rule you really don’t want to skip: use reef-safe sunscreen. Not only is it the law on many Hawaiian beaches, but it’s also essential for protecting the delicate marine ecosystem.
Hawaii has banned sunscreens containing oxybenzone and octinoxate because these chemicals are toxic to coral reefs. Even tiny amounts wash off in the ocean and can cause coral bleaching, disrupt fish reproduction, and harm the tiny organisms that make up the foundation of the reef ecosystem. In short: your favorite spray-on SPF can actually hurt the ocean you came to enjoy.
We found reef-safe sunscreen at the Hale Koa Resort gift shop, as well as at local supermarkets and pharmacies like ABC Stores. I also stocked up on a mineral-based, water-resistant lotion from Target before our trip — which worked perfectly for our trio: Jake (4) loved the quick rub-in formula, Callan (5) insisted on applying it himself, and Max (1) didn’t complain once (miracle!).
Even if it’s tempting to bring your usual chemical sunscreen from home, leaving it at the door is a small sacrifice for the planet. And yes, technically it is illegal to use banned chemicals in Hawaiian waters. Beyond the legal side, consider this: coral reefs are the backbone of Hawaii’s coastline. They protect beaches from erosion, provide habitat for countless marine species, and make snorkeling a magical experience for families like ours. Choosing reef-safe sunscreen isn’t just compliance — it’s showing aloha to the ocean.
By making reef-safe choices, families can enjoy Hawaii’s waters without leaving a toxic footprint behind — and your kids get a subtle lesson in how small actions can protect something much bigger than themselves.
Pro tip: Apply sunscreen 15–20 minutes before swimming, reapply after toweling off, and bring a hat and rash guard for the kids. Jake, of course, wanted to test the SPF by “splashing like a volcano,” but with mineral sunscreen on, we felt good knowing even his enthusiastic eruptions were reef-safe.
Observe Wildlife from a Distance
One of the best lessons Hawaii teaches both kids and adults is that not all adorable creatures are meant to be hugged, held, or turned into impromptu pets. Observing wildlife from a respectful distance keeps animals safe, keeps you out of trouble, and gives your little ones a chance to marvel at nature without accidentally causing harm.
Take sea turtles and monk seals, for example. These gentle, slow-moving creatures are endangered and federally protected. It’s illegal to touch, harass, or get too close to them. On our trip, we spotted turtles resting on the sand and gracefully gliding underwater while snorkeling. Callan (5) whispered, “Can we just wave from here?” — and we did, with huge smiles, feeling like responsible wildlife paparazzi.
Another highlight for our family was the penguin exhibit at the Hilton Hawaiian Village. Those little black-and-white feather balls were irresistibly cute — Jake (4) and Callan wanted to reach in and pet them immediately. Max (1) tried, too, of course. But instead, we laughed and watched them waddle, dive, and play in their little pool. It was magical to see them up close without touching — and it became a teaching moment: sometimes the best way to show love is to let them be.
And then there were the feral chickens and roosters running wild all over Honolulu — in parks, on sidewalks, and sometimes right in front of your rental car. Kids naturally want to chase them, and adults occasionally consider it too (I’ll admit it, we thought about it). But these birds are a quirky part of local culture, descendants of domestic chickens brought to the islands generations ago. Instead of chasing them, we let them strut their stuff. Our kids quickly learned that watching from a respectful distance could be just as fun — sometimes funnier, in fact — as any game of tag.
The rule of thumb for Hawaii (and really anywhere): look, listen, and admire, but don’t touch. Let the wildlife do their thing, and your family will stay safe, respectful, and in full compliance with local laws. Bonus: no one ends up with scratches, bites, or a very angry rooster.
Stay on Trails
One of the easiest ways to show respect for Hawaii’s land is also one of the simplest: stay on the marked trails. It might sound like something your fifth-grade field trip chaperone would say, but in Hawaii, it carries a lot of meaning. Many off-limits areas aren’t just about safety—they’re about sacredness.
Hawaiians believe the land, or ʻāina, is alive and deserves care. Certain valleys, forests, and lava fields are considered sacred because they hold ancient burial sites, heiau (temples), or places tied to ancestral legends. Ignoring a “Kapu” (no trespassing) sign isn’t just breaking a rule—it’s disrespecting generations of history.
Then there’s the safety factor. Those dreamy trails winding through misty cliffs and jungle waterfalls? They’re gorgeous, but also potentially treacherous. Hawaii’s rain can turn paths into slippery slides, and a few spots have hidden drop-offs that don’t exactly come with guardrails. (Translation: not the place for your toddler’s daredevil phase.)
On our trip, Bryan—ever the Marine pilot with a built-in radar for “situation awareness”—was quick to remind us that nature here demands respect. Between his caution and the kids’ fascination with every twig and gecko, we managed to stay safely on path… though Jake did try to convince us he saw a “secret pirate shortcut” more than once.
So here’s the takeaway: if you see a rope barrier, sign, or trail marker, it’s there for a reason. The islands’ beauty is meant to be enjoyed, not conquered. Stick to the trails, soak in the scenery, and leave every place as untouched and magical as you found it.
Listen to Lifeguards
Hawaii’s beaches look postcard-perfect, but even the calmest waves can be sneaky. Lifeguards are there for a reason — to keep visitors safe from strong currents, unexpected drop-offs, and the occasional rogue wave that thinks your toddler’s toes look like a chew toy.
Here’s how to know if it’s safe or unsafe to swim:
Check the flags: Red means “danger — strong currents,” yellow means “caution — moderate conditions,” and green means “go ahead — enjoy with care.” Some beaches also use purple flags to indicate the presence of marine life like jellyfish. Callan was the tribe’s designated flag-spotter - she reported if the flag was green before we even set foot in the sand.
Listen to verbal warnings: Lifeguards will often shout or signal if conditions change quickly. During one visit, Bryan pointed out that even though the waves looked tiny, the lifeguard’s whistle meant “stay back.” We explained to Jake and Callan that adults sometimes need guidance just as much as kids — and everyone followed instructions.
Observe the water: Look for signs of rip currents (long, narrow channels of choppy, darker water moving away from shore). If you see a beach full of experienced swimmers staying close to the shore, it’s probably for a reason.
Ask questions: Lifeguards are approachable and used to families asking for advice. We once asked which part of the beach was safest for a 1-year-old to splash in, and the lifeguard pointed us to a calm, protected lagoon area — perfect for Max.
The golden rule? Trust their judgment over your eyes. Waves can be unpredictable, tides can change fast, and even the most experienced swimmers can be caught off guard. Following lifeguard instructions keeps your family safe and sets a great example for kids: listening to experts is always a smart move.
Be a Respectful Guest
Take Off Your Shoes (Sometimes)
If you spend more than a few days in Hawaii, you’ll probably spot a pile of shoes outside someone’s door and wonder if you accidentally wandered into a kindergarten cubby area. Don’t worry — you didn’t. In Hawaiian culture (and throughout much of Polynesia and Asia), taking off your shoes before entering a home is a sign of respect. The idea is simple: you leave the dirt — both literal and spiritual — at the door.
Now, before you start unlacing your sneakers every time you walk into a building, here’s the deal: this custom applies mainly to private homes — like when you’re visiting friends, staying in an Airbnb, or entering a local family’s hale (house). It’s not required at hotels, restaurants, or shops.
When we stayed at the Hale Koa Resort, for example, we didn’t have to leave our sandals at the door (which is lucky, because with three kids, that would’ve been like herding flip-flops). Hotels are designed for travelers, and no one expects you to follow the home tradition there. But, if you’re invited into someone’s home — even for a quick visit — it’s polite to slip off your shoes and leave them neatly by the entrance.
There’s actually a practical side to it, too. The islands’ volcanic soil sticks to everything, and red dirt stains like it’s on a mission. Plus, sand has a sneaky way of following you everywhere. After our first beach day, we realized that taking off our shoes before entering our room saved the carpet (and my sanity).
So, here’s the rule of thumb:
At hotels or restaurants: shoes on, you’re fine.
At homes or some small local guesthouses: shoes off — show that aloha spirit.
At the beach: shoes optional, sanity questionable (especially with toddlers).
Jake, of course, took this rule to heart in the most literal way possible and decided no one in our family should ever wear shoes again. Max followed suit, waddling proudly into the lobby barefoot until we caught him. So yes, while Hawaii is famously laid-back, the shoes-on rule still applies in public places — even if your kids forget.
The takeaway? When in doubt, look down. If there’s a row of slippers by the door, take yours off too. It’s one of those small, quiet ways to show respect — and you’ll fit right in with the locals who truly live the spirit of aloha.
Be a Patient Driver
Hawaii is paradise, but sometimes even paradise has traffic. And when you’re in a new place, with little ones in the backseat asking every two minutes if you’ve arrived yet, patience can get… tested. Enter the Hawaiian concept of “island time.” Things move a little slower here, and that’s not laziness — it’s part of the culture. People aren’t rushing; they’re living. And if you want to embrace aloha fully, you have to slow down too.
Bryan learned this the hard way during our visit to the Wednesday Honolulu Swap Meet flea market. He thought he could “beat the crowd” and find parking early. Cue a 20-minute search through crowded streets, honking impatiently (which he quickly learned is a no-no in Hawaii), and navigating tiny, unfamiliar lots while keeping three kids from trying to sprint into traffic. By the end, he had mastered the art of Hawaiian patience: a relaxed sigh, a deep breath, and a shaka to the cars letting him merge.
Even everyday Honolulu traffic is a lesson. Stop-and-go lights, one-lane streets, and roosters casually strutting across sidewalks require more than just driving skill — they require a smile, a wave, and a willingness to embrace delays. Kids notice this, too. Jake and Callan loved counting rooftops, spotting chickens, and seeing the mountains in the distance. What could have been a stressful hour became a mini sightseeing adventure — all thanks to slowing down and adopting a little Hawaiian patience.
The takeaway? Don’t honk, don’t rage, and definitely don’t stress. Use traffic time as a chance to teach your kids patience, observation, and maybe a little creativity in spotting quirky city moments — like a chicken crossing the street at rush hour. In Hawaii, patience is part of the vacation.
Ask Before Photographing
In Hawaii, beauty is everywhere — from the rainbow-streaked mountains to the monk seal napping dramatically in the middle of your beach day. It’s natural to want to photograph everything. But here’s the thing: some of Hawaii’s most meaningful places are meant to be experienced, not documented.
When in doubt, follow this golden rule: if it feels sacred, solemn, or private — put the camera down.
Take the Byodo-In Temple, for example. We visited one quiet morning, the kids fascinated by the giant Buddha and the koi fish that looked bigger than Max. The temple is absolutely stunning, but it’s also a non-practicing Buddhist temple built to honor Hawaii’s Japanese immigrants and serve as a place of meditation and reflection. Photos are welcome in most outdoor areas, but snapping selfies right in front of the Buddha statue or during an ongoing ceremony is considered disrespectful. We made sure to explain that to the kids — and reminded them that not every memory needs a photo to last.
Other places where photography is limited or prohibited include:
Heiau (Ancient Hawaiian Temples): These are sacred religious sites — sometimes even burial grounds — and many display signs requesting no photos. Even if there isn’t a sign, it’s best to err on the side of reverence.
Cemeteries or Memorials: The USS Arizona Memorial is one example. Photography is technically allowed, but the mood is solemn, so keep it minimal and quiet. It’s not the place for group shots or “say cheese” moments.
Cultural Performances or Ceremonies: During hula or chant performances, always ask before recording. Many dances are spiritual offerings, not just entertainment.
Inside Churches and Temples: From St. Benedict’s “Painted Church” on the Big Island to Maui’s small plantation chapels, flash photography and selfies are usually discouraged indoors.
Private or Local Homes: Even when something looks picture-perfect (like that row of surfboards leaning on a fence), remember it might be someone’s actual yard.
And one more pro tip: always ask before photographing people, especially Native Hawaiians or cultural practitioners. A simple, “Would it be okay if I take your picture?” said with a genuine smile, goes a long way.
Our kids caught on fast — Callan, my rule follower, was quick to point out every “no photo” sign and disarm me like a security guard, “Mom, put your camera down.”
So the takeaway? If in doubt, don’t snap — just stop and soak it in. Some of Hawaii’s most meaningful moments happen when your phone is in your pocket and your heart is paying attention.
Don’t Call Everyone “Hawaiian”
Here’s a quick cultural lesson that will instantly earn you respect from locals: not everyone who lives in Hawaii is “Hawaiian.”
It’s an easy mistake to make — especially when you’re feeling the aloha spirit and assume everyone lucky enough to live here must be Hawaiian by default. But in Hawaii, the term “Hawaiian” has a very specific and deeply personal meaning. It refers only to people of Native Hawaiian ancestry — those whose lineage traces back to the original Polynesian settlers who first voyaged across the Pacific and made these islands home more than a thousand years ago.
Calling everyone Hawaiian just because they live here can unintentionally come across as disrespectful — a bit like calling every person in Texas a cowboy (though, to be fair, some would happily take the title). In reality, Hawaii’s residents come from a beautiful mix of cultures and ethnic backgrounds. You’ll meet people whose families came from Japan, China, the Philippines, Korea, Portugal, Samoa, and the continental U.S., many of whom have lived here for generations and proudly call the islands home — but not “Hawaiian.”
The more accurate and respectful term for most residents is “local.” For example, you might say, “We met some locals at the beach,” or “Our server at Hale Koa was a local who grew up on Oahu.” “Local” honors the person’s connection to the islands without assuming their ancestry.
During our trip, we had a friendly conversation with a food truck operator on the North Shore. I asked the woman if she was “Hawaiian.” She smiled kindly (bless her patience) and explained, “No, I’m local — Japanese-Portuguese. But I am from here.” That gentle correction was a great reminder that words matter.
So, when in doubt:
Use “Hawaiian” for those of Native Hawaiian descent.
Use “local” for anyone who lives in Hawaii but isn’t of Hawaiian ancestry.
And use “visitor” for yourself — with a smile, some sunscreen, and a little humility.
Respect starts with language, and getting this small detail right shows you understand that Hawaii isn’t just a vacation spot — it’s a living, breathing culture with a deep history that deserves care.
Show Respect at Sacred Sites
Hawaii is home to many sacred places — temples (heiau), burial grounds, and memorials — and these spaces deserve quiet reflection.
When we visited the USS Arizona Memorial, even our usually chatty 1-year-old went still, as if he could sense the gravity of the place. We whispered prayers of gratitude and reminded the kids that sometimes, silence is the best way to show respect.
If you see offerings — flowers, fruit, or stones — leave them untouched. Someone placed them there with meaning. And always let elders go first — a simple act of aloha that teaches little ones kindness and respect.
Bonus: More Ways to Live the Aloha Spirit
Because being respectful in Hawaii goes beyond rules — it’s a mindset, a way of being that values connection, gratitude, and community.
Learn a Little Hawaiian
Even a few words make a difference:
Aloha (hello, goodbye, love)
Mahalo (thank you)
Keiki (child) — my kids loved that one
ʻOhana (family)
We turned it into a game: whoever said “mahalo” to a cashier first got to pick the next shave ice flavor. Spoiler: Jake won every time.
Honor the Ocean
In Hawaii, the ocean isn’t just a place to swim or surf — it’s a living, breathing part of the islands’ culture, history, and spirit. Hawaiians have a deep respect for the sea, or kai, which is seen as both life-giving and powerful. Treating it casually or carelessly is a sure way to miss out on understanding the true aloha spirit.
Many Hawaiian stories and traditions center around the ocean, from tales of sea gods like Kanaloa to local fishing practices passed down for generations. When entering the water, locals believe in showing mindfulness — no shouting, no littering, and no chasing marine life. We practiced this by quietly observing turtles from a distance and leaving the coral and beaches exactly as we found them.
A fun family anecdote: Jake was fascinated by the waves and wanted to “race the ocean” — running in, then letting the waves chase him back. Callan, ever the careful observer, would pause to watch a little crab scuttle across the sand before taking a step. Max, wrapped in a tiny sun hat, kicked happily at the shallow water while we all paused to take in the beauty around us. The kids were learning firsthand what it means to honor the ocean: enjoy it, respect it, and never underestimate it.
Pro Tip: Teach kids simple rituals like thanking the ocean for a fun swim, rinsing off after play, and picking up any stray trash. Even little ones can feel part of the stewardship, and it turns beach time into a lesson in aloha.
Treat Leis with Respect
Leis are everywhere in Hawaii — draped around necks at airports, fluttering in the breeze at luaus, and adorning hotel lobbies like floral confetti. But they’re not just pretty vacation accessories — they carry deep cultural significance. A lei is a gesture of love, honor, respect, or celebration, and how you treat one shows your understanding of Hawaiian culture.
During our trip, Callan (5) received a gorgeous plumeria lei at a luau. Her first instinct? To spin around and shake it like a costume. We gently explained that leis are given with aloha — a kind of “I honor you” or “I welcome you” — and shouldn’t be tossed or treated like playthings. Suddenly, the lei wasn’t just a flower necklace; it was a symbol of respect. Callan carefully wore it, admired it, and even hung it in our hotel room when the evening ended instead of tossing it aside.
Our boys, Jake (4) and Max (1), were given shell necklaces. These aren’t traditional plumeria leis, but they’re considered lei of a sort, and the same rules apply: treat them with respect. Don’t pull, throw, or chew them — even though Jake’s first instinct was to see how far he could fling his shell beads. Instead, we encouraged him to admire the necklaces as little treasures that connect him to the islands’ culture, just like his sister with her lei.
Why is this important? In Hawaiian culture:
Receiving a lei or shell necklace is a gift of the heart. Taking it off in front of the giver can feel like rejection.
Wearing it with care shows gratitude. Every flower, shell, or kukui nut in a lei is chosen intentionally.
Leaving it behind properly is part of the aloha spirit. You can hang it somewhere special, return it to nature, or place it on a memorial as an offering.
Even kids can grasp this concept. Callan and Jake quickly understood that admiring without tossing or chewing was like handling treasure — magical, but untouchable in a rough-and-tumble way. Max, of course, didn’t fully get it, but a quick demonstration by Dad and his older siblings turned it into a fun, memorable lesson.
So, whether it’s a plumeria lei or a shell necklace, teach your kids to wear it proudly, treasure it for the moment, and treat it with respect. It’s not just jewelry — it’s a little piece of Hawaiian heart that carries aloha.
Pro Tip: Encourage kids to think of leis and shell necklaces as living gifts — temporary, beautiful, and meaningful. Even a 1-year-old can start to grasp the idea with a little guidance.
Dress Appropriately
Ah, vacation fashion — flip-flops, sundresses, board shorts, and a constant sunscreen sheen. In Hawaii, this casual vibe works perfectly on the beach or by the pool, but I quickly learned that not all places welcome “beach casual.”
When we first arrived, I assumed that dresses, tank tops, and shorts were acceptable everywhere — restaurants included — and that board shorts and t-shirts would do just fine. I was wrong. Visiting temples, local towns, and even some restaurants away from the shoreline made me realize that a little extra coverage goes a long way. For temples or sacred sites, shoulders and knees should be covered as a sign of respect. In some towns, locals expect modest attire that shows you’re taking the visit seriously, rather than treating it like another beach day.
Beachwear is perfect for beaches, pools, or casual outdoor settings, but when stepping into temples, certain restaurants, or local towns, cover up a little. It’s a small gesture that goes a long way in showing respect for local culture and traditions — and it keeps you from feeling underdressed in front of the locals.
Pro Tip: Bring lightweight wraps, sarongs, or a quick-change shirt for the kids. It’s easy to layer on when needed, and you’ll never be caught unprepared while exploring Hawaii’s more sacred or formal spots.
The Spirit of Aloha
At its heart, “aloha” isn’t just a word — it’s a way of living: kindness, patience, respect, and love. You feel it when someone waves you through in traffic, when a stranger smiles at your kids, or when you’re standing barefoot in the sand feeling thankful just to be.
Visiting Hawaii taught our family more than any guidebook could — about slowing down, listening, and showing gratitude for both people and nature.
So when you visit, remember: take your shoes off, take your time, and take nothing from the land but photos and memories. Smile, wave, say mahalo, and live the aloha way — because in Hawaii, being kind is the truest souvenir you can bring home.
